Dear Pen Pal 3

Dear Penpal,

Felicitations from the dreary confines of a German prison. I have been here locked up for many days all stemming from a great misunderstanding. You see, I was at the airport selling flowers to old women in black shawls when a truck pulled up and a man wearing a billboard for the Waikiki gun club jumped out. He asked me whether I wanted to go shoot liberal-shaped targets at a secret range for true patriotic Americans. To get away from him I told him I was German which is kind of true although all I can say in the language is a curse word and a couple car brands. Well I guess that was the wrong thing to say because the next thing I knew I was in the back of a police ambulance surrounded by Germans wearing an excessive amount of leather for this ostensibly tropical climate. I tried to explain to them that I was not injured or sick. They insisted we were only going to the pub and that this was the quickest way to get there. You don't have to wait for the stoplights when you're in an ambulance.

The pub was kind of dirty and my allergies were kicking in so after several pints of German stout I asked my hosts how to get back to the airport. They were busy throwing darts at the pool table sponsored by Oprah's Book Club and that's when the cops came and we all got arrested. With good behavior I should be out by Hanukkah.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to Taiwan. I would like to say congratulations to your company on the contract and to please send me some American cigarettes.

Best regards, &c.